BITCHIN' REALITY

One of the things that I noticed happening once I started studying body dissatisfaction is that people began to think that because I study it, I no longer deal with it. In other words, they assume that there’s some magic formula I’ve discovered that allows me to transcend the whole dissatisfaction experience. The reality is that like most of the women I know and have talked with, I am not happy with my body. I know all of my “problem” spots, what I should or could do to change them, and how to artfully arrange my clothing to disguise them. The reality is that the only difference between my body dissatisfaction and other women’s is that I know exactly why I feel this way. I understand the various cultural and media discourses that have helped create my dissatisfaction. And I am intimately aware of how my thoughts and actions contribute to the whole thing.

This time of year, with the holidays looming and cold iciness outside my window I find myself obsessing even more about my body. I don’t take as many walks, and incessant cold weather is the reason that comfort food is called a comfort. Of course it doesn’t help the situation that everywhere I turn there’s another end of semester special dinner or yet another plate of holiday cookies. One day last week I counted 7 different plates of cookies in the short walk from my office in the basement to my classroom on the first floor. Seven plates of cookies that I had to pass multiple times! And, as you know, holiday cookies are especially tempting with their pretty colors and extra dollops of chocolate. They just call out to all who see them to grab one and take a bite. Not wanting to disappoint anyone or leave any holiday cookie alone on the plate I dutifully grabbed one, just one, each time I passed a plate. With 7 plates and multiple trips to the classroom, you can just imagine how many cookies I ate. By the end of the day I was sugar rushing with the best of them!

If I were truly above the experience of body dissatisfaction, I wouldn’t have thought each time I grabbed a cookie how bad I was being. I wouldn’t have chastised myself for not being good and avoiding the temptation. I wouldn’t have been able to tell you how many calories I was ingesting with each cookie and how many of those calories were from fat. But I did all these things and more. I thought about skipping dinner to offset the extra calories. I toyed with the idea of doing an extra workout to rid my body of them. I found myself trapped in what I call the Cycle of Dissatisfaction. In a matter of just a few hours I had taken myself from feeling fine and kind of liking how I was looking these days to being obsessed with the love handles that have invaded my body.

Of all the facets of body dissatisfaction that I write about, the Cycle of Dissatisfaction is the most frustrating for me. I don’t have a magic formula for breaking the cycle. The evening of the cookie binge I did end up eating dinner and settling for a regular workout. I spent the rest of the night shaking my head in frustration over the situation. One day I hope that the magic formula will reveal itself to me. In the mean time I keep eating cookies and reminding myself how many better things there are for me to think about than my body.

I'M DONE BITCHIN' (for now...)

I’ve been thinking about writing this first entry for what seems like forever. Many writers have problems with ending – when or how to end. I’m the opposite. I usually have a solid idea of what I’m going to write and a general idea of where it’s going, but no clue how to get started. More about the trials and tribulations of writing later.

The thing I’m most excited about at this point is that after nearly eight years of work I’ve finished my book, Bitchin’ Bodies. Many of you have followed and supported me throughout this endeavor – big thanks! For the rest of you, in Bitchin’ Bodies I explore how young women talk about their frustrations with their bodies. I wanted to do more than write yet another tired book on the causes of body image – as if we can narrow it down to one thing. Instead I took the time to sit down and talk with hundreds of young women about how they experience living with body dissatisfaction. Funny isn’t it, how so many of the experts just skip right over that step of actually talking to the people they’re supposedly studying?

Through this blog, I’ll fill you in on some of the more interesting things I’ve learned over the last few years of study. Of course, I don’t want to overshare since I want to leave a few surprises for you when you read the book. And I’m hoping all of you will not only read it but will encourage your friends and family to pick it up as well.

Before this entry gets too ridiculously long, let me tell you a little about the publication process itself. Unless you’re a successfully published author who has sold hundreds of thousands of books or the latest celebutante to drink too much and forget to wear undergarments, it’s nearly impossible to get your project in front of a publisher’s eyes. Even if you can get someone to look at your project, convincing them to publish it and promote it in the way it deserves is a whole other story. After one too many frustrating discussions, I had pretty much given up on traditional publishing. Then I met the wonderfully amazing and talented Annie Heckman who was in the process of starting StepSister Press, a new independent press. Check out their blog to learn more about them.

Over the last few months we’ve spent a crazy amount of time ingesting caffeine and figuring out how to best get Bitchin’ Bodies into your hot little hands. We’ve come up with some interesting ideas on that front. In addition, I’m happy to say that Annie is now a friend. We’ve discussed teaming up on some future projects that I’ll share with you in future entries. For now, though, check out Annie’s art on her blog: annieheckman.com


I'm always interested in hearing from you so e-mail me at terrilruss@gmail.com or post a response.